Stay away, Ashley Olsen

Me n my sis in Malibu


Ok. Wow. Whooo. God. Good laaawd.
I rarely go to a wedding where it's a lot of fun, where everyone is happy, where everyone turns out to be a lot of fun. Who knew you could have good conversation standing on line for the men's room?
Malibu. gooood lllawd almighty. I want to move there.
My sister's friend's wedding was held at this huge estate in Malibu - and when I say exclusive, I mean Diana Ross was blackballed from buying a house there - and it was the bomb diggety. We arrive fashionably late (this is LA, of course), just as the wedding was beginning. Remember, this was a "HinJew" wedding. We sat through 90 minutes of mildly interesting Hindu customs, with the bride and groom lighting fires, throwing rose petals, taking steps ... yada yada. Of course, it might have been more enthralling if it hadn't been 100 DEGREES in the sun, which we sat under in its blazing glory. But I was relatively cool in a Sean Jon linen suit (cough cough. Cause that's the way I roll), and did find the ceremony culturally intriguing.
After the Hindu portion, there was the Jewish part, which happened to be way more entertaining. Maybe it was because we had a fat, 70-year-old Seinfeld stand-in as a rabbi. He was cracking jokes left, right, and between your legs. It was damned funny.
The only problem I had with the ceremony was a mild feeling of guilt after I thought "gaaaawdddamn, the bride looks good." Which she did. She had lost, according to my sister, about 60 pounds for the wedding.
This estate was off the hizzook. We're talking palm trees with white lights wrapped around them, an orchard, a catered dinner for over 100 guests, a five-piece band ... ooooh lawd. And I usually don't enjoy weddings. But this one ... yikes.
Maybe it had something to do with the open bar. Or maybe it was all the "Uppies" - the Up With People alumni that were friends of the bride, including my sister.
Lots of drinking, lots of dancing, and these girls that I swear were the Olsen twins. Well, at least they looked like them. Inebriated and, ummm, impulsive. Don't worry folks - I was in the back. Waaaaaay back. I avoided any possible blemishes on my .. sister's reputation. ;)
The party ended early - around 11 p.m. - and we took the limo back to town. (Cause that's how we roll) ...
It was good to meet some of my sister's UWP friends - they were a riot. Bob (My Scotch) and his wife, Anke, who kept trying to get me to say phrases like "Das un deutchsen auto?" to each other, Eric and Brynn, the dancer, my sis's friend Erick, who has the kind of laugh that's infectious and triggers an unavoidable wave of laughter... Christi the bride, Robin and her husband Eric (No, I'm not drunk - they were all named Eric), and so on. It was tight.
It gave me a high-water mark for my wedding, whenever it may happen. It was the most fun I'd seen guests have at a wedding in a long time. I'm glad I went.

The other highlight of the day was battling LA traffic to visit my Uncle Connie in Woodland Hills. Yes, I braved the notorious 405 - one of the worst highways in the US - to visit my great uncle. It was a trip. It reminded me of when my grandpa took me out to breakfast, by myself, when I was like six, and everyone treated him like Don Corleone wherever we went. It was the same thing with my Uncle. I'm booking time off when I get back to come to his 90th birthday party, since he was at my Grandma's in Vegas two years ago. It goin' be CRAZY, I tell ya.

Tomorrow morning, on Sunday, my sister and I are having breakfast at Roscoe's Chicken and Waffles before I hit the airport. It's a legendary staple of american fast-food livin' ... and no white people. Cause crackas would just ruin the whole thing ...

Just playin .. but that's what LA will do to ya in five days ...

and Im out ...