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SUPER SUDS!

If you like football, chances are you like a good beer, too. So we here at the Province sports department set out to discover the best refreshing brew to enjoy while watching today’s big game. Sure, it was a difficult task — but we could do no less than sacrifice ourselves to enduring round after round of blind taste-tests for our faithful readers. Sixteen beers were chosen in all — eight of the top sellers in B.C., plus some lesser-known but still tasty brands. Seeded from 1-16 by volume sold, we held a knockout-style bracket to determine this year’s ultimate Super Sud ...

The Contenders...

1. Corona
2. Molson Canadian
3. Kokanee
4. Budweiser
5. Coors
6. Stella Artois
7. MGD
8. Alexander Keith’s
9. Sleeman’s Honey Brown
10. Carlsberg
11. Grolsch
12. Innis and Gunn
13. Bowen Island Pale
14. Phoenix
15. St. Ambroise
16. Yanjing


ROUND ONE

1. Corona vs. 16. Yanjing
With descriptions like “bland” and “distinctly unimpressive” being bandied about, we had an upset right off the bat. Yanjing, the nosey, official beer of the 2008 Summer Games, knocked off B.C.’s top-selling beer.
Winner: Yanjing

2. Canadian vs. 15. St. Ambroise Apricot Wheat Ale.
Hey, women watch football too. With that in mind, we included Quebec’s St. Ambroise, a beer quite popular with women, in the test. However, it was quickly stomped by the six-man, one-female panel. “This isn’t a Super Bowl beer; it smells like Katie’s perfume,” remarked one taster.
Winner: Canadian
3. Kokanee vs. 14. Phoenix
This match-up pitted the B.C. heavyweight and its furry mascot against a relatively unknown craft brew. It was as one-sided as Chewbacca wrestling an ewok ...
“This is a good, standard, hoser beer,” said one tester after quaffing some Kokanee.
Winner: Kokanee

4. Budweiser vs. 13. Bowen Island
Another heavyweight match-up, another one-sided victory. Though, curiously, after the test was over, the Bowen Island testers had disappeared. Budweiser quotable, courtesy of British expat and Province deputy sports editor Neville Judd: “It’s sassy!” Well, he’s British. What does he know about beer?
Winner: The King of Beers

5. Coors vs. 12. Innis and Gunn
The Silver Bullet took on the most expensive beer in our challenge, as I&G goes for around $3.50 a bottle at your local liquor store. It has a pleasant, oaky flavour — courtesy of six months of aging in an oak barrel. Said Katie, the lone female tester: “It’s smoking! And that’s a sexy bottle!”
Winner: Innis and Gunn

6. Stella Artois vs. 11. Grolsch
Chief Sports Editor Jonathan McDonald swears by Stella. In fact, it was a debate about its quality that sparked this little project of ours (“It’s swill,” declared Judd). So it was with great surprise when McDonald declared Stella was “rancid and awful” during the blind test.
Winner: Grolsch

7. MGD vs. 10. Carlsberg
A top-selling football beer against a top-selling footie beer. The domestic product won handily, sending the Danish ale back to Europe. Let’s hope the Liverpool fans don’t track us down.
Winner: MGD

8. Alexander Keith’s vs. 9. Sleeman’s Honey Brown
Two middleweights clashed in what promised to be a battle for the ages. Or, at least, a battle of the ages.
Whilst some younger tongues preferred the Keith’s, the elderly crowd had a penchant for the honey ale. Said the erstwhile Neville Judd: “It was like an angel crying on my tongue.”
Winner: Sleeman’s

ROUND TWO
With all the beers tasted, the second round went much quicker, with fewer comments — though that might have had to do with the pizzas arriving.

9. Sleeman’s vs. 16. Yanjiing
The Chinese beer couldn’t hold up to the amber manna; its strong nose put some out of joint.
Winner: Sleeman’s

2. Canadian vs. 7. MGD
The cold-filtered Miller was a cold-blooded killer in this one, dispatching its Canadian opponent in dominating fashion.
Winner: MGD

4. Kokanee vs. 11. Grolsch
Call Grolsch the Dutch “Budweiser,” as it is imported into North America by Anheiser-Busch. But they were not related to the King of Beers on this day ...
Winner: Kokanee, eh?

4. Budweiser vs. 12. Innis and Gunn
The smoky I&G had its hands full with Bud, though, thankfully, not one “whazzuuupp!” was heard during the test. Though a former CFLer who took part in the test did utter some choice — and unprintable — words after Bud advanced.
Winner: Budweiser

ROUND THREE (Semifinals)
By this point, the pizza and chips had been devoured, but our appetite to discover the truth for YOU, our readers, remained unsated. Undaunted by the lack of sustenance, we soldiered on.

Semifinals
4. Budweiser vs. 7. MGD
Some quick Bud facts: the King of Beers is descended from Budiwoyz in the-then Czechoslovakia, where it was called “Budweis”, or, “Of Budiwoyz.” It’s also brewed with rice, along with barley and hops, which apparently gives it a lighter taste.
Winner: MGD

3. Kokanee vs. 9. Sleeman’s
Sleeman’s was Canada’s largest owned and operated Canadian brewery until being sold to Japan’s Sapporo. The sweet honey nectar made sushi out of the Sasquatch on this day, advancing to the final.
Winner: Sleeman’s

ROUND FOUR
Final
9. Sleeman’s vs. 7. MGD
A note on Sleeman’s: Many of their products come in clear bottles. While this gives them a distinctive look, some have said that the taste can be affected by the exposure to light. Well, we didn’t think so.
By this time, having slogged through so many lighter-tasting beers, they all began to taste the same. But not Sleeman’s. It kept its refreshing taste throughout the marathon contest, meaning it should do you for the eight hours of Super Bowl coverage you’re going to watch today.
Winner: Sleeman’s Honey Brown