Hawaii 7-oh
Day 1.
We arrive at 11 p.m. local time, are in our hotel by 11:45, and at the bar by 11:48.
It portents of things to come.
We got on the plane in Richmond, amidst a sea of chinese people, then stepped off the plane in Honolulu, amidst a sea of japanese people. The only difference was it was hot, and we were still a lil light-headed after having the flight attendant buy us shots the entire trip. (We spent the six hour-flight watching Russell Peters... "Somebody gonna get a-hurt real bad... ")
Anyways, back to Hawaii.
Our first night in town, we learned that what we consider a single and double over here, is nothing like what they pour over there. I swear I could have lit my drink on fire it was so strong. The first bar we hit was Moose's. I highly recommend it.
After a brief night of boozing and macking, we retired to the hotel. But not before getting a late-night hot dog. The price for two dogs and two waters? Sixteen dollars.
Welcome to Hawaii. howli
Day 2.
Up, at the crack of 11, hit the gym, grab some eats, and down to the beach. We stake out a spot in front of the Royal Hawaiian, where all the rich women are. The day is passed flexing and tanning.
Afterwards, we hit Duke's Canoe Club for dinner, and to get some booze to dull the pain of our sunburns. Well, Jon's, anyways. We met a great server - the here-pictured Jenny - and her friend Lisa.
Great gals, we're going to visit them again. Took care of us the entire week. Introduced us to "Skinny Bitches" and "Skinny Bastards." We can't thank her enough.
After more socializing at Duke's, we hit the clubs. Tsunami's has to be the most ghetto club in the city - and they charge $20 for two drinks. But again, welcome to Hawaii, howli.
Day 3.
The beach beckons. It's back to the Royal Hawaiian.
More sun. More tanning. The iPod speakers spinning some Bob and other reggae greats all day. It's rejuvenating and relaxing. We meet a local named Mike - a very chill dude - while having lunch at our beachfront hotel bar. He gives us the low-down on what's around, plus gives us some language tips to make us seem like locals. Broke da mouth has officially become part of my vocabulary.
Duke's for dinner - it's destined to be our "launching pad" all night, then out to Zanzibar, where we tried to get into on Wednesday, but the line was too long. (Funny story about that - I tried to convince the doorman my friends were inside. He hands me his phone and says "Call them," obviously calling my bluff.
I checked my cellphone voicemail instead. From Hawaii. Three messages.)
The air conditioning is broke, and I don't mean broke da mouth. It's hot inside - sweltering - but we settle in and have some drinks. Yetman sweats through his shirt, it's so hot. But we meet Ashlee (pictured here), who turns out to be a darling. She gets us on the guest list for Saturday.
Jon meets this stunning server, or, at least, thinks he does. I chat her up, cause Jon is in his "Prima Donna I'm Too Good To Approach Anyone" phase. I send her over there, cause he refuses to talk to anyone. Winds up getting her number, but that's a story for a little later on.
In the meantime, this local Hawaiian girl offers me her sister. Yes, offers me. Her. Hot. Sister. I'm dumbfounded. Gobsmacked, as they say in good ol' britain. I sense danger, so I politely decline, and we get the **ck out of dodge.
Day 4.
The morning trips to the gym have stopped. Our beach forays have become very, umm, "relaxed." Very few social encounters.
Basically, we've hit the wall.
We head to Duke's for dinner, planning to call it an early night. Instead, a few Skinny Bitches and Bastards, and we're primed and ready to roll. We people-watch for a while, hit up a few ladies, then head off to Moose's, because Zanzibar is off-limits tonight. Jon doesn't want to appear desperate, you see.
Moose's turns into a gong show. We get used as decoys - oh, that was fun - and I get picked up by a navy girl. More stiff drinks, more $16 hotdogs. They are dammned good, though.
Day 5.
SATURDAY!
Beach action again. We have yet to break out of a one-mile radius, and have started to become treated as regulars at our regular spots. No waiting in line for drinks, prime tables, friendly service. Our tans have gotten to the point where we don't look like we're fresh off the boat. We say things like "Bra" and "Mahalo" and "Kekua."
After our day of sunning, we hit the University of Hawaii-Purdue football game at Aloha Stadium. Our first non-partying activity.
We limo it there, cause that's how we roll. We're players, ya'll.
After spending 15 minutes trying to find the will-call line where our tickets are, we finally spot it - it's the one with the huge-ass line. We stand there, listening to some drunken frat boy and his friends from Purdue, shout "Meatloaf! Now! Meatloaf."
We finally get our tickets, which were strategically bought for the nosebleeds, for maximum atmospheric effect. We wanted the REAL UH experience.
Game Notes
- Hawaii has this big muscled samoan-looking dude as their mascot. When Hawaii scores a TD, all these male students get led out from a section to do push-ups. They start, they finish, and this big dude is still going. And going. And going. He makes the energizer bunny look like a Wal-mart rip-off. It's crazy. I swear he did like 100.
- Favourite pastime of people in the nosebleeds? Paper airplanes. It's like the invasion of pearl harbour, there are so many planes flying around. Most of them suck, but there are a couple that spread their wings and fly, eliciting massive cheers from the section. One lands at mid-field after a two minute flight, eliciting massive cheers from our section.
- I learn I can't make a decent paper airplane out of newsprint. It nosedives into the seats 20 feet in front of me.
- Hawaii, the nation's top-scoring team, leads 17-0 at the half. Purdue comes storming back, and takes the lead in the fourth quarter, making some crazy ESPN highlight-reel catches. Hawaii scores again to take the lead back, but Purdue scores twice to take a 10-point lead. The Boilermakers fans in the section next to us are going CRAZY. Nuts. Wild.
Yetmang and I decide to book it, cause we have to beat the rush to catch a cab back downtown. We stop at the merchandise booth to buy a hat, then hear this massive roar that shakes the stadium.
- We book it back inside - Hawaii has scored again. They get a turnover, then score again - 14 points in under a minute. The joint is ROCKING. Purdue gets the ball back. They're driving. They're moving the ball. Then, Hawaii's much-maligned secondary comes up with a HUGE interception with a minute left. 54 seconds and three knees later, it's all over.
- College bands are the coolest.
- UH's cheerleaders have two nine-year-old girls who are the most gifted dancers I've seen. They don't miss a move.
3 Comments:
Looks like all that drinking is catching up, you should continue with the gym.
dude... i can't believe you sold out dog the bounty hunter. so no snakes on a muthafucking plane during the ride home?? my plan for you musta gone awry somewhere along the way
Mmmm Limo Ride here we go!!My Jsmooveeeee looks soooooooo hot. Looking up to you in my big doe eyes!Ooo The "weather" was sooo hot!
Talk about the "humidity" in Honolulu!!
Im sweating again!
MWuahhhhhhh from MB this time!
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