Henceforth, I shall be known as Wor... I mean, Jacildo

My dad is always full of sage words, willing to drop some wisdom whenever the need arises.
"Son," he'd say, "little problems are like little kids. You can handle a couple of them at a time, but if you let them pile up, they'll beat the snot out of you."
Well, I got news for you, pops. Problems are like little kids - and I can take 36 of 'em at one shot. It's true - I took a test!

36

There's really not much for me to report these days. Heck, there's not much for me to do at work - hence the fighting five-year-olds. Don't believe me? Here's my column from Friday:

"I opened my front door, and stepped into what appeared to be chicken slaughterhouse.
Feathers – and bits of was used to be feathers – lay strewn haphazardly about my living room, coating the furniture in a soft, fuzzy down. Smack dab in the middle of the carnage, my 12-month old puppy, Madden, wagged his tail with the innocence reserved for saints, angels, Ghandi, and dogs who have just destroyed an entire Christmas trees' worth of decorations.
I could hear the sobs of my roommate filtering through the closed door from her bedroom, as she mourned the loss of the antique feathered Xmas balls her recently passed grandmother had willed to her, the only worldy possesions she cherished enough to leave to her grand-daughter. Or something to that effect.
In the 40 weeks Madden has been with me, he has managed to chew, gnash, grind and gnaw his way through everything from propane hoses to persian rugs to Christmas ornaments.
But it could be worse – he could have been “Boss,” Jonathan Papelbon's prize pup.
The Boston Red Sox closer claims his pooch purloined the souvenir from the final out of the World Series this year.
"He plays with baseballs like they are his toys," Papelbon told the Hattiesburg (Miss.) American. "He jumped up one day on the counter and snatched it. he likes rawhide. He tore that thing to pieces. Nobody knows that. I'll just keep what's left of it."
And now, some other off-beat news from around the world of sports you can peruse while I'm out shopping for ornaments that look like stuffed styrofoam chickens.
––––
Some of you may remember the story of Mike Flynt, the 59-year-old grandfather who returned to college football after 37 years, suiting up for his alma mater of Sul Ross State.
The Texas senior is now partners with the superstar, LeBron James, having been signed to the Cleveland Cavaliers star's marketing company on Thursday.
Flynt was kicked off the team in 1971 for fighting, but after learning he still had a year of eligibility left last summer, he came back to play college football at a year shy of 60. He was eight years older than his coach, and six years short of medicare.
He played mostly as a blocker on field goals and extra points for his Div. III school, though he played linebacker during the final minutes of the season-ending game.
His role with James' company, LRMR Innovative Marketing and Branding, will involve fitness products, speaking appearances, books, along with TV and movies.
"Mike is a normal guy, but he had the will and desire to go back and play college football at 59," said Maverick Carter, CEO of LRMR. "I want those type of people to be around me and my company. We want to do things that are cool, innovative and different."
––––
Dallas Cowboys receiver Terrell Owens took some flak for suggesting, tongue in cheek, that Jessica Simpson was responsible for the worst game of Tony Romo's career last Sunday.
With the cameras focussed firmly on Simpson jumping up and down in the stands, Romo had threw three picks, no touchdowns, and had a miserable 22.5 quarterback rating in the 10-6 loss to Philadelphia.
Owens made it clear Thursday he was just joking, after having to call Romo and smooth things over after Simpson had called Romo.
"I just she was kind of upset about it," said Owns. "I told him I would do whatever I can to rectify the situation. That's about it."
The off-shore gambling site Bodog.com has posted odds on how long they think the couple will be together; 2-1 it will last at least six months, and 6-1 they'll be done within 30 days.
Anti-Romo fans at the website www.ruinromo.com are offering a downloadable cutout picture of Simpson, complete with instructions to cut out the eyes and tape it to a popsicle stick for (ahem) "easy handling." The caption on the page says "Help your team to victory by letting Tony Romo know the love of his life is in the stands!!!"
Panthers and Redskins fans, your teams are up next...
––––
Alhassan (Al) Bangura, a 19-year-old from Sierra Leone who plays for the English football club Watford, will be able to relax slightly this holiday season after learning the British government will allow him to apply for a work permit and avoid being deported to his native country.
Why the relief? You'd be a little apprehensive, too, if you knew at voodoo cult was awaiting you at home with sharpened machetes ready to lop various parts of your body off.
Bangura fled Sierra Leone when he was 15, leaving the West African country where his now-late father was the cheif of a secret society called The Soko. They expect Bangura to assume his father's role, and the initiation ceremony involves various unspoken amputory procedures.
Thousands of people across England, including Elton John, wrote the government in hopes of swaying their decision. When the news came down that the government had relented on their earlier decision to deny his claim, it was the second Christmas present for Bangura. Earlier this month, his girlfriend gave birth to a son, Samal. "

How's that for Pulitzer Prize winning journalism? Yeah. I know.

In the meantime, internet surfing (How do you think I found that Bangura story?) has allowed me to continue collecting a paycheque.
There's this link which made me think of pretty much every blonde girl I know, there was this link (my name is Jacildo - which I kinda like), and then, there was this ...



Check out Buffalaxe's Michael Jackson Thriller video, too...