Cue the porn music

"Bite it," she cooed. "Yes, that's it. Good. Now bite it again."
As the camera clicked away in the background, she pulled it out of my mouth, and stuck it back in.
Again, "bite it. Mmmmhmmm . . . that's good," she purred.
I could almost hear the twangy porn music in my head, as one must do something to keep the mind occupied when lying in the dentist's office. You know your life is boring when you're making a trip to get some X-rays taken sound like soft porn... But hey - that's the life I live.

My trip to the dentist was, and I bow my head in chagrin as I write this, my first in about seven 1/2 years. No, I don't have some crazy fear, like Coulrophobia,, of dentists, I just have a problem with procrastination.
Anyways, my chiclets were in pretty good shape for not having seen the inside of a hygenist's office for a while. They took some xrays, and stuck me in this machine that was like a mini CAT scan for the head, and only managed to find 42 cavities and several infected gums.
Kidding.
I'm not gonna lie, I do have some cavities that have to be taken care of - an appointment has already been scheduled - but my teeth are in OK condition. I think it's because I work out every day. Or something like that.

I've been slowly working down my list of New Year's resolutions (the dentist's was No. 3.), with the next item being "Get Your Eyes Checked." I can hear my sister applauding from L.A. right now ...
I can see my new nicknames now: "Specs" or "Glassface" or "Doc" or even "Chocolate Pudding." Actually, I got called the last one on Friday. By a 55-year-old. A 55-year-old man. I think my re-dedication to being more metresexual is getting me more Brokeback action than my friend MICEAIL. But I digress.
Glasses. Yes. Specs. I managed to miss my first eye exam, and rescheduled it for next Friday. It's good to see my time management and procrastination skills are still unparalleled among mortals.

I can see myself missing next week's appointment too; not because I'll be covering gaaawwdaaamn curling, but because
it lands on a day when I usually hit the hill. And if Big White is anything like it was when I went on Tuesday, I might even miss a day of work, too.
Unlike Miceail, who has lost his Canadian roots and has developed a strange Chionophobia, I revel in the chance to play in the powder — and we got almost a foot of it on Tuesday. While minivan moms were crashing into the light standards outside my house, I was busy throwing down some huge Rodeo 540s and nose grabs under blue-birds skies. Oh, man — it was one of the best days I'd had all year.

It will soon all be over, though, and I'll be back to playing soccer. Hopefully, we'll get a ref who is as entertaining as this guy ...



"Margarida," as he was known, was a legend in Brazil before dying of AIDs in the 90s. I've never seen anyone prance like that before. But I digress yet again...
The Cheetah's Raiders - the CHAMPION Cheetah's Raiders, I should say - will be merging with Mark V this year, the same team we beat in the finals. Apparently, Anj has lost his mind now that he's getting married, and arranged all this. This is the same guy who drove to Vancouver to buy a dog for his fiancee, under the strategy that it would get him ready for fatherhood.

Right. OK.

I guess he's moved into a new, older phase in his life, one where he's too mature to be amused by THIS. I, on the other hand, am not. Boobies! Heeheheheheheheeheh...

And for the ladies ... I give you ... THIS!



What's that, you say? A boring basketball pic? Well sure, it's Acie Law hitting a 3-pointer at the buzzer to give Texas A&M a 46-43 victory over No. 6 Texas last Wednesday night, but check out the defender. And let your eyes drift . . . south.

And no, that is not an optical illusion. And Miceail, stop zooming in.

And I'm out like Brokeback at the Oscars...

BTW, I can't believe I started reading THIS. But it's (cough cough) too legit to miss.